Whacha think, huh? Huh?
So, I've decided that a Rom/Com is gonna be the next thing I tackle....
Hide!
But, before I tackle the entire thing, I'd like to ask y'all a favor... would you read a short I wrote, as an exercise, for a project on Triggerstreet? It's supposed to be funny, and I know it's difficult to BE funny so I'd appreciate it if y'all read it and then give me your thoughts about it. Let me know if it make you smile, guffaw or grin. If it doesn't do any of those things, let me know that too. It's only 9 pages...
You can find it here: Love, Mom
posted by writergurl @ 1/10/2006 01:24:00 AM
8 comments
8 Comments:
It made me smile, and that seems like what it's going for -- a cute-charming vibe, as opposed to a "laugh so loud you split your pants" effect I think you did well with Lila, who's got an endearing quality.
And if you're diving into a feature rom-com, you know there's a book I can recommend...
I wasn't going for the BIG laugh, no. Just wanted something to make someone chuckle or grin. Or even laugh and then whince in sympathy!
That book? I've already order it from Amazon! ;)
Thanks for the read and the comment!
I'm going to read this right now. you should know that you've been "tagged" me me. So, you're it.
You've not only been tagged. You've been tagged about 5 times already! EVERYONE wants to know your answers to the Scribosphere Meme!
HUH?
FIVE? Hell, I didn't think I had that many readers!
Guess that will be my next post. Look for it tonight. (No time now.)
Umm, thanks?????
well, i can't say i thought it was funny. it's cute...unfortunately that's usually a derrogatory term in my vocabularly. :) its waay to obvious whats going to happen, and that alone would make it difficult for me to find it humorous. for me i'd also need more snappy and funny dialog leading up to the aha moment. it's a lot to read if its just setup for that ending.
i did like the setting. most folks (including myself), have never been in the military, so you already have an interest factor. however i don't think you capitalized on it.
bottom-line, i think you need more interesting material leading up to the aha moment. otherwise the payoff doesn't feel worth the process. if on the other hand i enjoyed the run-up because i had fun being on the base hearing some lively quick and witty banter, perhaps sharing an unusual this-could-only-happen-in-the-military catch-22 experience, then the cute ending would be a nice ribbon on the package.
does that make any sense? :)
"Dude, my Mom's not a bakery"
That's good stuff W.G, I look forward to seeing this on our local PBS show featuring short films. Hell, I'd even wait for the slow stream on my dial-up.
Thanks for the link and I linked you back.
Christopher... yeah, I wasn't going for the BIG laugh. It's suppoed to be a "cute" piece. Thanks for the comment!
WP... I doubt it will go further than here as it would be a very expensive piece to film (costumes, trucks, garage bays that LOOK military).
Thanks for the props and the linkage!
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